Should I Write A Closure Letter To My Ex?

In this podcast, I want to answer the question, "Should you write a closure letter to your ex?"

What I'm referring to is a hand-written letter (or email) in which you express your feelings, apologize for your contributions to the breakup, and tell your ex that because they haven't come back to you at this point, you are moving on. Some call it a "goodbye letter to an ex."

What you had in mind might be slightly different or could not include all of what I mentioned.

Determining if you should send such a letter doesn't require all of the traits I mentioned above.

So should you write it?

I'll answer in this podcast.

See the accompanying article: Should I Write A Closure Letter To My Ex

Get Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit at https://myexbackcoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit/

Videos Mentioned In This One:

The No Contact Rule 

What Is My Ex Thinking During No Contact? 

Help! My Ex Says There's No Chance Of Us Getting Back Together! 

Stages Your Ex Goes Through During No Contact 

Should You Seek Closure From Your Ex? 

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Crafting a Closure Letter to an Ex: A Strategic Approach

In the complex landscape of relationship recovery, the idea of writing a closure or goodbye letter to an ex-partner often emerges as a contentious topic. Many people grapple with the decision, hoping to find a way to either move on or reignite a spark that once existed. This deliberation is not only common among those who reach out to me through various channels but also a frequent subject of discussion during coaching calls.

The True Intentions Behind a Closure Letter

The fundamental question to ask before sending a closure letter is: What is the true intention behind it? While many claim to seek closure, a deep introspection often reveals a desire to use the letter as a means to re-enter their ex's life. This hidden agenda, masked as a quest for closure, could potentially be a disguised attempt to rekindle the relationship.

The Illusion of Closure

Seeking closure from an ex-partner, especially in the form of a letter, can sometimes be an act of self-deception. It's crucial to understand that closure is a personal journey, not necessarily contingent on an ex's validation or response. By expecting a definitive answer from an ex, one might be inadvertently prolonging the healing process and avoiding the acceptance of the current reality.

The Dilemma of Waiting

The concept of waiting indefinitely for an ex to return is a precarious position to be in. It's vital to set a personal timeline, a point beyond which you allow yourself the freedom to move forward, emotionally open to new possibilities. This approach doesn't negate the residual feelings for an ex but rather acknowledges the need to live a life not entirely hinged on their potential return.

The No Contact Rule: A Double-Edged Sword

No contact is a strategic choice often employed post-breakup. However, sending a closure letter can contradict this approach, potentially undermining its effectiveness. If the letter is perceived as a backdoor to re-establishing contact, it might dilute the impact of the no contact period, giving the ex-partner an impression of your continued availability and thereby reducing their incentive to truly comprehend the loss of the relationship.

Closure as Self-Generated

Real closure comes from within, not from the responses (or lack thereof) of an ex. It's about reaching a point of self-realization and acceptance, where the need for an external affirmation diminishes. This internal closure allows for personal growth and the ability to move forward, irrespective of an ex's actions or decisions.

When is a Closure Letter Appropriate?

There are instances where sending a closure letter might be beneficial, especially when it's seen as a final step of letting go, without expectations of rekindling the relationship. If approached with honesty and clarity, and after a significant period of no contact, such a letter can sometimes serve as a respectful conclusion to a chapter in one's life.

Conclusion

The decision to write a closure letter to an ex is laden with emotional complexity and should be approached with introspection and honesty about one's true intentions. It's essential to recognize that closure is a personal journey and not contingent on an ex's response. The focus should be on self-healing and moving forward, with or without the ex's involvement in your life. In some cases, a well-considered closure letter can be a part of this healing process, but it should not be seen as a means to an end or a strategy to reignite a past relationship.