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Coach Lee is a world-renown relationship coach who helps people get an ex back after a breakup, save a marriage, and become more attractive. Lee has coached people in relationships since 2000. His website is https://MyExBackCoach.com and includes hundreds of articles and videos. Lee has lectured at Pepperdine University and others, is a TED educator on the science of breakups, and has been interviewed by major media including The New York Times, USA Today, The Today Show, New York Post, Men’s Health, L.A. Business Journal, Cosmopolitan, Daily Mail, Metro UK, Bravo TV, Yahoo Lifestyle, Glamor, and MSN among others. Lee uses real-life experience with breakups along with his work for 20 years providing relationship-recovery coaching. He has multiple certifications for relationship coaching & consulting. Get information on his Emergency Breakup Kit & Emergency Marriage Kit at MyExBackCoach.com. SUBSCRIBE to this podcast as well as on YouTube at https://youtube.com/myexbackcoach so you don’t miss videos on saving relationships, keeping love strong, and the science of attraction. INSTAGRAM @RealCoachLee
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What to Do When All Else Fails: Strategies for Getting Your Ex Back
When you're at your wit's end, unsure of what else to try, and willing to take some risks to rekindle your relationship with your ex, it can be a challenging and emotional time. These moments often come when you're ready to move on but feel the need to try one last thing. Here are some unconventional strategies that carry some risk but have been known to work in certain situations.
1. Double Down Sometimes, your ex may have been critical of certain hobbies, habits, or traits of yours. In this strategy, instead of hiding or abandoning these aspects of yourself, you embrace them wholeheartedly. This isn't about being spiteful but about showing your independence and confidence.
For example, if your ex complained about a specific hobby you love, post about it on social media. If they disliked a particular style of clothing that makes you feel good, wear it proudly. The idea is to communicate that you're no longer seeking their approval.
While this approach can feel risky and even a little defiant, it shifts the dynamic. Instead of portraying yourself as someone desperate to win them back, you become someone who is unapologetically themselves. This independence can be unexpectedly attractive.
However, it's important to consider the bigger picture: Why would you want to win back someone who was critical of things that make you happy? This is a question worth reflecting on as you proceed.
2. Create Micro Mysteries Mystery has a way of drawing people in, and you can use it to your advantage. This technique involves creating intrigue by leaving certain things unresolved or open-ended.
For example:
Share a cryptic social media post about starting a new project but leave out key details or outcomes. Casually mention something intriguing in conversation with mutual friends or acquaintances but stop short of explaining it fully.
This tactic plays on the Zeigarnik Effect, a psychological principle where people are drawn to unfinished stories or unanswered questions. By leaving your ex wondering about you, you can create curiosity and preoccupation in their mind. This approach subtly invites them to think about you more often, which can reignite feelings of interest or even attraction.
3. Take a Trip Distance can make the heart grow fonder, especially when it's unexpected. Plan a trip to an unusual or obscure location and share it on social media. The more random the destination, the better—someplace your ex wouldn't associate with your typical routine.
For example, visiting a small town they've never heard of can leave them wondering:
-Why are they there?
-What are they doing?
This strategy not only creates mystery but also gives the impression that you're moving forward with your life. For exes who are used to having you nearby, the idea of you being physically out of reach can trigger feelings of loss or curiosity.
4. Send Their Belongings Back If your ex has left items at your place, you've probably kept them as a potential point of connection. But if months have passed and they haven’t reached out to retrieve their things, sending them back can send a powerful message.
Pack their belongings neatly and include a simple note: "Here are the things of yours I could find. Hope you’re well."
This gesture can act as a symbolic closing of the chapter, which can be surprisingly impactful. It might make your ex realize the finality of the breakup and trigger a response. It’s a calculated move that signals you're ready to move on, even if deep down you’re hoping for a different outcome.
5. Decide to Move On The most counterintuitive yet effective strategy is genuinely deciding to move on. While easier said than done, this mindset shift can bring clarity and peace.
Here’s how to approach it:
Make a conscious decision. Commit to moving forward emotionally and mentally.
Lean on your support system. Surround yourself with friends, family, and positive influences who value you.
Rediscover your passions. Invest time in hobbies, work, or personal growth.
Ease into dating. When you’re ready, consider going on dates—not to make your ex jealous but to remind yourself of your worth and options.
Interestingly, moving on can sometimes reignite your ex's interest. When they sense that you're no longer waiting around for them, they may begin to reconsider their decision.
A Note of Caution
These strategies are not guaranteed to work, and they carry emotional risks. They are most effective when you’ve reached the point where you have nothing left to lose and are prepared to accept the outcome, whether it leads to reconciliation or closure.
For those seeking personalized guidance, tools like Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit or one-on-one coaching sessions can provide tailored advice. These resources are designed to help navigate the complexities of breakups and relationships, empowering you to make the best decisions for your unique situation.
Final Thoughts
Breakups are rarely simple, and moving forward is a process. If you’re considering these strategies, it’s likely because your connection with your ex was meaningful and you’re not ready to give up just yet. While these approaches may seem unconventional, they can be effective in rekindling interest or helping you find closure.
Remember, the ultimate goal is not just to get your ex back but to regain your sense of self-worth and independence—qualities that are attractive and empowering in any relationship.
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